Prank Wars
by MechanicFreak
Summary: Dumbledore is incredibly bored, so he decided to spice the staff's lives up a bit at Hogwarts.
1. Prank War

Dumbledore smiled at his plan. He really was a genius, he mused.

Hogwarts had gotten incredibly _boring, _these last few years, and there was still a long time left before Harry Potter would be old enough to attend Hogwarts.

He knew that some of the teachers would oppose this, but there was really nothing they could do.

Albus Dumbledore had had the ingenious plan to 'spice up life at Hogwarts'

So he had decided that the staff would have a prank war.

Each staff member would be given a slip of paper with who they have to prank on it, but they wouldn't be told who would be pranking them.

Dumbledore leaned back and sighed in satisfaction.

He was a genius.


	2. Let the games begin!

Minerva McGonagall smiled gleefully as she near skipped through Hogwarts halls that morning. Today she was going to pull off her prank on Flitwick.

As students passed her, many of them watched her curiously as the usually severe teacher nearly danced through the corridors.

Slowly changing from a light hearted skip to tip-toeing, she edged closer and closer to the Charms Professors room.

Leaning in, she opened the door, and before the professor could even see who had entered, she had cast her spell and shut the door, jogging away from the room.

Flitwick screamed internally.

He couldn't move.

He was tall.

His lifelong dream.

He was tall.

But he was a tree.

* * *

After Flitwick had gotten out of his 'predicament' he had decided to pull his prank on Professor Quirrell

Everything was in place, he thought.

Professor Quirrell was patrolling the castle, despite his nervousness.

As he rounded the corner, he let out a blood curdling shriek and promptly fainted backwards.

Flitwick pulled off the werewolf mask and shook his head disappointedly.

What a pathetic wizard.

* * *

Quirrel smirked. His act had fooled the staff, and now it was his turn! As he entered the greenhouses he drew his wand.

'_This is pathetic, you useless man.' _The voice inside his head scolded, but Quirrell for once ignored it. Everyone needed their fun.

Waving his wand, he cast a curse on the greenhouse, to turn every living thing to stone.

Unfortunately, there was a reason that this spell wasn't ministry approved.

Quirrell too, became engulfed in stone.

* * *

Sprout hummed as she wandered through the dungeons towards Snapes classroom.

Because Quirrell had been caught doing his dare, as a result, he had to restore her classroom to it's former glory, and now the bulky Professor had many a free lesson. Pausing just outside Snapes classroom, she took off her worn robe and pushed it underneath her dress, settling at her stomach, prodding and pushing it here and there until she was satisfied with the result.

Professor Sprout burst into the classroom, and the Professor briefly glared in her direction, and the class turned to see the intruder.

"It's yours!" She shouted, and the entire class went silent.

"Excuse me?" Snape asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The baby is yours!" She cried, resulting in a class full of wide eyes and dropped jaws, including the feared potions master. "Take responsibility!"

Snape spluttered and stuttered on every word. "I'm sorry, I don't-"

"You should have thought about that before you decided to make sweet love to me!" Professor Sprout yelled, as the class began to howl with laughter.

"I didn't-"

But the herbology Professor refused to let him get a word in edgeways. "Why did you do this to me? Tell me all those sweet words and now you're leaving me to raise this child alone!"

* * *

Snape smirked as he entered the kitchens, and thrust a vial into the hands of a house-elf.

"Professor Trelawney has requested that you mix this with everything she's going to be eating tonight." He lied.

The house-elf nodded, and was about to run to his task, but the potions master gripped his shoulder, and handed him another vial.

"Now that I remember, Professor Sprout has requested the same thing." He said.

'_Why not?' _He thought as he left the kitchen with a smile to join the rest of the staff at dinner.

Dinner passed quiet uneventfully.

That was, until both Professor Sprout and Trelawney began to expel gases from their rear in tune to the top love song for that week, while rainbow fumes erupted from behind them.

While the school roared with laughter at the teachers embarrassment, Snape smirked into his goblet.

* * *

Trelawny smiled dreamily as she made her way down to Hagrids hut, knocking on the door.

"Can I 'elp yer Professor?"

"I had a dream last night." She said. "You are going to face a most painful death."

And with that, she turned on her heel, smiling at her own devilish behaivour, while the grounds keeper wasn't quite sure what had just transpired.

* * *

Hagrid shuffled through the corridor, scattering mud behind him as he went.

A few corridors back Filch was following the trail, sweeping as he went.

"It has to end at some point." He muttered. He had followed the trail for hours. "Right?"

* * *

Filch snuck into the Transfiguration classroom and rubbed his hands together in glee, Ms. Norris wrapping her tail around her masters leg as she rubbed her body against his ankles.

He began to throw confiscated dung bombs across the room, along with handfuls of mud splattering the walls.

After about half an hour of destruction Filch grinned at his handiwork.

Not an inch of the room was left untouched by animal faeces or mud, and the room was filled with an unbearable stench.

Filch was incredibly happy, as finally, it was he who was getting the revenge! And he had been _asked _to do it too!

He turned around and walked back to his office, but before he could even get halfway, Professor McGonagall stopped him in his tracks.

"Ah, Mr. Filch, I've been looking for you _everywhere,_" She started, and Filch didn't like the playful tone of her voice at all. "I've got a very large clean-up job for you!"

Filch grumbled, nearly in tears as he was led to clean up his hard work.

'_Ha,'_ McGonnagal thought. _'Nobody pranks me and gets away with it.'_

* * *

For the last few weeks, nobody had seen hide nor hair from Dumbledore, and it caused the teachers to become incredibly cautious. The old man was _definitely _up to something, and they weren't going to fall for any of his tricks.

The teachers had opted to walk together to dinner as a group, should any of them get into trouble at the Headmasters hands.

As they sat down to dinner, Dumbledore was once again absent.

As the food appeared, before anybody could grab a chicken drumstick or a spoonful of mashed potato all of the food began to rise from the platters they were in, high into the ceiling of the great hall.

And then it began to fall, like rain, hot pasta and messy pies, back down onto the students and teachers alike, coating them in what would have been dinner.

During the stunned silence, the door to the great hall opened, and Dumbledore peeked his head in.

"Have I missed dinner?" He asked.

* * *

**I think my most favourite to write were the Sprout - Snape and Filch- McGonagall.**

**Does anyone else think that Filch 'rubbing his hands together gleefully' would be a most terrifying sight indeed!**

**I'd like to thank my friend Pheobe for the idea of Dumbledores prank. HI PHEOBE! :D**

**I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

**-Reviews are dearly appreciated, flames are not.**

**~TheLastCookieIsMine**


	3. The Results Are In!

**The Prank Wars: Results;**

**1st Place: Sprout (Need I say why?)**

**2nd Place: Dumbledore (Mass-pranked the whole school)**

**3rd Place: McGonagall and Snape (Managed to prank two people)**

**4th Place: Flitwick**

**5th Place: Hagrid**

**6th Place: Trelawney**

**Disqualified:**

**Quirrell: Ended up cursing himself.**

**Flich: Had his own prank turned against him.**

* * *

Professor Sprout was seen dancing through the halls of Hogwarts for a week, and every meal time, she could be seen parading around the Potions Master, asking him "What should we call the baby? I'm thinking of 'Imgreat' if it's a girl, or 'Imaloser' if it's a boy."

Professor Snape was muttering away to himself about revenge in every spare waking moment he had, and drew many unrealistic plans in an attempt to get her back, but many backfired, leaving him more humiliated than before.

* * *

**Should I write Snape his own chapter of his failed attempts? **

**Hmm...methinks I should leave it as it is...**

**It's up to you guys, review what'cha want.**

**|MechanicFreak|**


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